Thought Filled Thursdays – His Strength is Perfect

If I tell you that grief is a season, like I’ve done the last few weeks, you would probably say – not mine… This feels like it will never end.

Grief is a different kind of journey – so different from any season – no matter what kind of loss you are grieving. When change comes to our lives – we grieve the things we had to give up for the change to come. When change occurs, and change in life is inevitable, we must be prepared to identify our feelings and what we lost. We must also allow ourselves to feel the pain and work through the difficulties of grief. We must be able to ultimately accept the reality of the loss and the change that came with it, and embrace the truth – that life will never be normal (the way it was before we experienced the loss) but it can be good, and normal can be redefined so that we not only survive our loss – but thrive when our season of grief finds its end.

We do not choose grief: it is our natural mental, emotional and physical response to loss. What we have to choose is what to do about our grief. If we ignore it, grief will take its toll. It will lead you to believe you are crazy, or calloused. You will find yourself ill and that you cannot accomplish even the simplest task. Life will not be lived – you will just exist in the aftermath of your loss. Like riding a macabre carousel – you will just cycle through the same devestating emotions until they take a toll on not only your mental, but also your physical health as well.

The Scirpture for today promises a full restoral after a season of mourning. I find it interesting when I read the ending chapters of the book of Job that while God restored a double portion of Job’s possessions, wealth, and status in his community – He only gave Job ten children after his children died in the first chapter of the book. Ten children died, but God gave Job a double portion for his pain. All except his children. Are you asking what is up with that? I did, too.

Job, though, rejoiced. He knew what God knew and what we can know, too. The number of Job’s children restored to him in this life were exactly the number who died and went to heaven because the first ten children were never lost. God did give Job a double portion for his children. He received ten to live out his days with him, and ten who were sent ahead to God’s safe keeping. Those children were never lost to him in the first place. It took 42 chapters for the book of Job to work through Job’s grief. I have no idea how much time that was, but I do know that grief takes time.

We will experience different stages or cycles of grief throughout our season, and we will experience some stages or cycles more than once. Grief will not look the same for any one person and we should never compare our grief to someone elses. We will get stuck in the perpetual irony of thinking because we did not grieve the same as someone else we know – that we cannot be fixed. That is simply not true. God wants to bring restoration to your life, but you have to endure your season of grief and let Him deliver the double portion of restoration to you when you have made the journey He has set before you.

Healing is a choice and you must decide that the love and promises of God are worth more than holding onto what hurts. Joy, dancing, and laughter will come, but only after the wailing, the mourning and the pain. Will you embrace the ashes of your loss so you can exchange it for a crown of beauty and an anointing of joy.

There is hope for us, not just in the shared grief of others, but in the Lord who gives and takes away. He is the God of all comfort who promises comfort to those who mourn. But, without mourning there is not comfort – if we do not grieve we will not experience the joy of the Lord. Blessings to you sweet friends. Steady on in your journey of grief.

Salve for a Wounded Soul

10 And do not grumble, as some of them did–
and were killed by the destroying angel.

11 These things happened to them as examples
and were written down as warnings for us,
on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come.

12 So, if you think you are standing firm,
be careful that you don’t fall!

13 No temptation has seized you except
what is common to man. And God is faithful;
he will not let you be tempted beyond what
you can bear. But when you are tempted,
he will also provide a way out
so that you can stand up under it.

1 Corinthians 10:10-13 (NIV)

As I read these verses of Scripture I was moved by something… These verses show us that the Israelites were given to us as an example and a warning of how not to live. You see the Israelites failed to recognize the blessing of God’s deliverence from Egypt in the Exodus account. Instead, they grumbled, complained and blamed God and His servants for what they were experiencing. In our grief it is easy to grumble and complain -to miss out on the blessings of God because all we can see, feel, taste, touch and smell are our circumstances. But, these people who complained against God for so long, eventually rebelled against Him, too. We must be careful in the sorting season of our grief not to get stuck in defeated cycles of grumbling and complaining. We must instead embrace the promises of God. Like the one in verse 13 of 1 Corinthians:

This verse is often said to mean that God will not give us more than we can handle. And, I respectfully disagree with that conclusion and here are a couple of reasons why:

1. In and of my own self, I can do nothing. Without God my works are as filthy rags and perishable junk. [5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5 (NIV)]

2. God’s strength is shown perfect in my weakness. His grace is proven sufficient when what I am dealing with is more than I myself can bear. [And to keep me from being puffed up and too much elated by the exceeding greatness (preeminence) of these revelations, there was given me a thorn ( a splinter) in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to rack and buffet and harass me, to keep me from being excessively exalted. 8 Three times I called upon the Lord and besought [Him] about this and begged that it might depart from me; 9 But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!
2 Cor 12:7-9 (AMP)]

3. Finally, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. My power to endure any temptation comes from Christ who suffered every temptation and tragedy known to man and lived without sin. Look to Jesus and read 1 Corinthians 10:13 with new eyes. [13 I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [ I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency].
Phil 4:13 (AMP)]

“For no temptation (no trial regarded as enticing to sin), [no matter how it comes or where it leads] has overtaken you and laid hold on you that is not common to man [that is, no temptation or trial has come to you that is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience, and such as man can bear]. But God is faithful [to His Word and to His compassionate nature], and He [can be trusted] not to let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but with the temptation He will [always] also provide the way out (the means of escape to a landing place), that you may be capable and strong and powerful to bear up under it patiently.“
1 Cor 10:13 (AMP) [Emphasis mine]

God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what He can empower us to withstand and resist. He will empower us to not only withstand and endure – He will empower us to do it with grace and patience. We must rely on His strength – especially when we have nothing to draw from.


His Strength is Perfect…

Prayer Requests

This week I’m asking for specific prayer related to a trip I am planning to San Antonio in August. My plans have been changed and I am now praying for God to make a way for me to get there and to fill two spots in the hotel room I’m hosting so I am able to afford the trip. Whatever God is doing, I’m praying for Him to be huge – rental car, ride-sharing with other siestas making the trip or whatever. I’m open to whatever He provides…

Also, please pray for the planning of the face-to-face Heart to Heart that will begin in the fall. It is taking shape, but not sure about all the details as of today. So, I’m praying that God will be huge here, also.

Lord God,

So much is happening and I feel like so many things are up in the air – bring me back to a place of calm and peace as I confess You are my source, my provider, and my ever present help in times of trouble. With You, Lord, nothing is impossible and I am believing by faith for the resolution of every circumstance of my life that takes my eyes off of You.

Be with those who read this blog, Lord. Bring them peace, joy and comfort. Give them good memories Lord, of their children and remove their garments of despair and pain – exchange them for the anointing of joy and healing in the name of Jesus. Help them Lord as You have helped me. Be real to us Lord and bring us a fresh revelation from Your Word.’

In Christ’s holy name I pray. Amen.

This week’s Scripture is:

This Scripture promises that those who are in a season of morning with experience renewal, joy and comfort. How do you feel about your grief knowing the season has an appointed end?

Thought Filled Thursdays – A Season of Grief

I posed these three questions with the Scripture on Monday:

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*How do you understand this verse of Scripture?

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* Do you realize that God appoints season of weeping and mourning in our lives?
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* Does it comfort you to realize that weeping brings laughter and mourning a time to dance?
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* What are we to do in our season’s of grief?

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As I read and allow this Scripture speak to my grief, I hear God telling me grief is an appointed season of life. Just as the physical seasons of Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter are the natural progression of a year – so mourning and weeping are natural seasons of the human existence.

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For me this allows me to hold onto the hope that just as the bitter cold and desolation of winter is relieved by the warm sunshine and new growth of Spring… so it is with grief, there will come a day with our weeping will turn to laughter and our mourning to joyful dancing!

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We can read it. We can process it with our minds. But, will that truth every make its way to our heart. Like to Narnians under the rule of the white witch will be stuck in a perpetual state of grief that we never recover from?

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Again, as New Life Ministries assures us, “healing is a choice.” It requires soul searching, Scripture believing, hard, gut-wrenching work. The expectation for life and this journey to be easy is not the promise of Scripture – over and over again we see the righteous taking the harder, more narrow way and finding their reward may even elude them this side of heaven. But, does that make the promises of God less valid or true. Are the true promises of God that we will experience a “WOW” manifestation of His blessing and miracles in our lives – yes, that could be true… But, what of those quieter, more subtle appearances… The gentle whispers in the midst of our storms that quiet our hearts and sooth our souls.

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I think the truer realization is the moments when the storm calms around us while it rages outside of the protection of our relationship with God. Galatians 5:22-23 promises us Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control will be manifested all at the same time in our lives – no matter our circumstances when we surrender control and every circumstance of our lives to God.

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I’ve never know this to be more true than in that last year with Justin. Going to pick him up from the police on a cool October morning, having him arrested and hearing him beg me to get him out of jail, watching the slow stages of change and growth come over him in radical ways that summer – the uncertainty of the future mixed with the certainty of my faith… In all of those things I experience supernatural love, peace, patience, even kindness, even goodness, I found myself faithful to God’s calling in my life, I found gentleness and compassion even when my son was out of control and violent, I found the ability to control my thoughts and emotions and my responses even when the circumstances were out of control. And more than all of that I found the Joy of the Lord. The joy does not come in such difficulty because I choose joy – it comes from the things I choose to submit to God in exchange for His joy. The fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23 comes from my ongoing uninterupted relationship with God.

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I choose not to let my life circumstances and traumas steal the Joy of the Lord from me. To steal His Spirit and His influence in my life. Since that time, I have had to allow the Lord to lead me through the valley of the shadow of death – but I also have to understand that this is a season of despair and pain, but that pain will bring what God promises in Psalm 126:5 (NIV) “Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.”

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We must choose to live on in the Joy of the Lord, surrendering what hurts to the Healing power of God and allowing Him to walk us through this season to a place of truth, light and new life beyond our loss.

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SALVE FOR OUR WOUNDED SOULS:

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Psalm 126
A song of ascents.

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1 When the LORD brought back

the captives to Zion,

we were like men who dreamed.

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2 Our mouths were filled with laughter,

our tongues with songs of joy.

Then it was said among the nations,

“The LORD has done great things for them.”

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3 The LORD has done great things for us,

and we are filled with joy.

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4 Restore our fortunes, O LORD,

like streams in the Negev.

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5 Those who sow in tears

will reap with songs of joy.

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6 He who goes out weeping,

carrying seed to sow,

will return with songs of joy,

carrying sheaves with him.

Prayer Requests

Today, as we venture into the week we celebrate our nation’s independence, my prayer is that all those who are hurting from the loss of a child will find freedom from pain and the healing touch of Christ. God’s love abounds, sweet friends, and His desire is to minister to you in your need, to bring you to a place of meaning and truth and to love you with all He is so that you find your pain redeemed – truly turning sorrow to joy.

Lord God,

May Your healing touch be upon us, deliver us Lord. Turn our sorrow to laughter, our pain to ministry and our mourning to joy. Your Word promises us these things. Knit our hearts together Lord with yours. Meet us in our hour of need and show us the way out of the valley of the shadow of death. You alone are God, You alone can take our tragedy and turn it into triumph. We love you, Lord and remain in awe of you.

Bless the ladies who read this post, Lord. Grant them mercy, peace and joy.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

This week’s Scripture is:

*How do you understand this verse of Scripture?

* Do you realize that God appoints season of weeping and mourning in our lives?

* Does it comfort you to realize that weeping brings laughter and mourning a time to dance?

* What are we to do in our season’s of grief?

Thought Filled Thursdays – Healing is a Choice

Our pastor, Robert Morris, taught an extensive series on the Beatitudes in Matthew 5 recently at Gateway Church in Southlake, TX. When he delivered his message on Matthew 5:4, he raised a question that begs asking in this context:

What if we all grieved over our sin and what it cost God the way we grieve over the death of those we love?

I think about that each time I consider God’s sacrifice against my own son’s death. Could I possibly view it in any other way? Placing my son’s death against the backdrop of the cross leaves me with a heart that cries out to God, “There is no comparison, Lord. You paid the higher price.”

I believe when my son died, God gave me a choice, just as He has done since He first created Adam and Eve in the garden. You may be asking yourself, What kind of choice is that?

It’s the choice every one of us who lose a child must make, and I am so grateful that when August 23, 2005 came to my door – I had His perspective in my heart and not just my own. If I had been left to my own emotions, my own responses and my own devices… I might have just thrown myself against the machines, never asked for a test and be pining away in a hospital room watching my son’s withering body – all dead except the life being pumped into it by medication and machine… and I might have yet to say goodbye to him. I thank God every single day that I was able to see Justin’s death in light of eternity and in light of His mercy and grace.

New Life Ministries has a book called, “Healing is a Choice.” And, I believe that this applies broadly – we must be willing to submit what hurts to God and allow Him to minister to our pain and our suffering in His mercy and grace. We must choose the Healing and Grace of God – He gives it freely, but He is such a gentleman that He never forces His will or His way on anyone. Any person who comes to God comes to Him by their free will and their faith in who His Word declares Him to be and what His promises tell us He will do. He alone is the comforter, the healer and the lover of our souls.

In the depth of this kind of pain and despair we may find ourselves unable to even pray or read His Word. At times we may think the future is just as void and empty as our arms are without our children to hold and love on. We may even think there is no longer a future to live for us, we are just destined to exist and survive without joy, without hope and without love because our hearts have been so broken in our loss. God’s Word tells us we are not just survivors, we are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus. There is life to be had and lived again, the death of those we love – even our children – is not the end of life itself, just an opportunity to live it in a different light.

I believe that God’s Word promises us something so different than just existence – Jesus said He came to bring us life, life to the full. I have seen that promise at work in my own life and witnessed it in the grief of others. Tony Dungy, head coach of the NFL’s Indianapolis Colts who won the Super Bowl in recent years, lost his oldest child, James, to suicide in December, 2005. All the while Coach Dungy was leading one of the most celebrated teams in NFL history – he was also suffering the worst agony one can imagine… He was missing his son. Coach Dungy’s loss came on the heels of my own loss. I remember barely being able to identify his loss because my own grief was at times overwhelming. I could scarcely handle my own feelings much less process the tragedy in other people’s lives – especially people I had no occasion to truly know.

At the 19th Annual Athletes in Action Super Bowl Breakfast on February 4, 2006, Tony Dungy delivered an emotional and inspiring speech to the crowd who gathered for breakfast that day leading up to the biggest football game of the year. He spoke of many things, but shared for the first time publicly what his son’s death taught him.

Here are a few quotes from that speech:

Of his son, James, he said:

“He was a Christian and is today in heaven. He was struggling with the things of the world and took his own life. People ask how I could come back to work so soon. I’m not totally recovered, I don’t know if I ever will be, it’s still ever-painful…”

I can so relate to Coach Dungy’s feelings and statement about his son’s death, faith and desire to move forward with life. It still hurts the deepest places of my heart to think of Justin in a place where I can’t hold him, talk to him, hear him laugh and see him live. But, at the same time it brings me great comfort and joy to know he is safely kept in the loving presence of our God for eternity and when my time comes to enter those pearly gates – my son will be among the cloud of witnesses who usher me in and welcome me home. A great reunion with our loved ones who have gone before and the ultimate reconciliation with our Heavenly Father who has been moving us toward that very day since time began.

Of His son’s death Coach Dungy shared this:

“If God had talked to me before James’ death and said his death would have helped all these people, it would have saved them and healed their sins, but I would have to take your son, I would have said no, I can’t do that.

“But God had the same choice 2,000 years ago with his Son, Jesus Christ, and it paved the way for you and me to have eternal life. That’s the benefit I got, that’s the benefit James got, and that’s the benefit you can get if you accept Jesus into your heart today as your Savior.”

And Coach Dungy has so eloquently expressed the truth of our God in beautiful godly perspective. In our flesh, it is hard for us to fathom why children die before they have lived a full life, why murder, suicide and premature death are factors in our Christian life – why is the price so high? We just want our children back, our hearts to mend and normal or something like it to return to our lives. Not one of us would do what God has done – willingly give up our child to save the lives of others. But, God loves us that much – can we not love Him in return in spite of our pain?

At a “life celebration” earlier this year for a 2 year old who drowned in her family’s pool, the mother said, “To whom much is given, much is required.” And, this to me is where the truth of God’s comfort comes into our grief and our lives as bereaved parents. We must view our losses in light of eternity, of Kingdom living and with the cross as the setting for our present sufferings.

To give us some perspective I have drawn on some verses of Scripture that I pray will not only give us hope, but give us a new desire – an opportunity to do more than just exist and survive the death of our child. I pray that this will give you the desire to live – truly live again in the comfort, peace and mercy of our God by extending that comfort, peace and mercy to others as He wipes the tears from your eyes.

Salve For Our Wounded Souls

Considering the following verses of Scripture:

“he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The Lord has spoken.” ~ Isaiah 25:8 (NIV)

“The ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.” ~
Isaiah 51:11 (NIV)

“and the ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.” ~
Isaiah 35:10 (NIV)

“But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. 21 For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. 22 For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. 23 But each in his own turn: Christ, the firstfruits; then, when he comes, those who belong to him. 24 Then the end will come, when he hands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power. 25 For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. 26 The last enemy to be destroyed is death. 27 For he “has put everything under his feet.” Now when it says that “everything” has been put under him, it is clear that this does not include God himself, who put everything under Christ. 28 When he has done this, then the Son himself will be made subject to him who put everything under him, so that God may be all in all.” ~ 1 Corinthians 15:20-28 (NIV) [emphasis mine]

“When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.” ~ Colossians 2:13-15 (NIV) [emphasis mine]

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” 5 He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” ~ Rev 21:4-5 (NIV) [emphasis mine]

That term in Colossians 2:14 for “canceled” and in Revelation 21:4 for “wipe” is the Greek Word

exaleipho. Colossians 2:14 is translated more literally in The Complete Word Study New Testament (by AMG Publishers, Spiro Zodhaiates, ed.) as “blotted out” or “wipe away” in Revelation 21:4. That word in the Greek is a combination of two Greek words:

Ek – which means “out,” and aleipho – which means “to anoint.” The New Spirit Filled Life Bible (NKJV) (Hayford, ed., Thomas Nelson Publishers) explains the definition this way: “…to wipe out, wipe off, wash. Used metaphorically, the word signifies a removal or obliteration, whether of sins (Acts 3:19), or writing (Colossians 2:14), of a name (Revelation 3:5), or of tears (Revelations 21:4).

Let that settle down on you a minute. As God cleans away our tears and washes our faces removing the marks of grief in its season, He anoints us with His Spirit. If the Scripture is true which is found in Luke 12:48, then we must weigh the true purpose in our suffering or else it is all for nothing.

I submit this passage to you in context:

“The Lord answered, “Who then is the faithful and wise manager, whom the master puts in charge of his servants to give them their food allowance at the proper time? 43 It will be good for that servant whom the master finds doing so when he returns. 44 I tell you the truth, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. 45 But suppose the servant says to himself, ‘My master is taking a long time in coming,’ and he then begins to beat the menservants and maidservants and to eat and drink and get drunk. 46 The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the unbelievers. 47 “That servant who knows his master’s will and does not get ready or does not do what his master wants will be beaten with many blows. 48 But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.” ~Luke 12:42-48 (NIV)

I found this commentary on the passage Luke 12:42-48 at Word of Truth Radio:

“The main idea here is that we are accountable for the knowledge, resources, abilities, etc. that God has blessed us with. If we have been given much, then He expects that much more from us. The good news is that all of these blessings come from the Lord and He realizes that humans are not perfect and that we can’t do anything right without His help (John 15:5), but we can do all things through Jesus Christ as He strengthens us (Philippians 4:13). So let’s ask the Lord to give us His wisdom and Spirit so that we can be faithful stewards over what He has entrusted to us. “And now, little children, abide in him; that, when he shall appear, we may have confidence, and not be ashamed before him at his coming.”(1 John 2:28)”

If the truth is that when God wipes away our tears in His comfort that we are to receive that as an anointing to minister to others who are hurting as we do – then how should we respond? What will be held accountable for?

I often say that with great suffering comes a great anointing. King Saul of Israel (1 Samuel) received a great anointing to be the first King of all of Israel. Yet, he abused that anointing, even ran from it at first. He did not do as the Lord had bid him, He did not honor God with the anointing and God removed it from him. What will you do with the anointing God is giving you through the suffering of grief?

Mary, the mother of Christ, suffered much the way you or I have in the loss of our children. She knew He was God’s Son, but did that change her suffering as she watched her son tried and crucified as a criminal. Did it suffer her any less to know He was God’s Son when He died there before her eyes? Did she have any less questions than you or I about why her son died and why it had to hurt so bad to fulfill the call of God on her life? Mary was not divine, nor god. She was a woman of flesh and blood, limited and emotional just like you or I. Her son may have come back to assure those who loved Him He would indeed return again, but she still lived out the rest of her days in teh agony of separation from her firstborn child.

How did Mary live out those days?

We find her in Acts 1:13-14:

” When they arrived, they went upstairs to the room where they were staying. Those present were Peter, John, James and Andrew; Philip and Thomas, Bartholomew and Matthew; James son of Alphaeus and Simon the Zealot, and Judas son of James. 14They all joined together constantly in prayer, along with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brothers.” (NIV)

There she was among the apostles and the women who had traveled with and ministered to the needs of her son, even with her own sons she was among them praying and worshipping God. She chose life.

Mary did not give up when her life did not take shape the way she had planned, when it resembled more of a curse than a blessing. She made the choice to live on in her son’s legacy, the Legacy of Christ. Mary chose to believe in the God whom she served, even in the death and pain of loss that came with surrendering her firstborn trusting more in the purposes of God than her own ability to understand.

Come, On… Sweet Friends… Let’s live on in Christ, trusting our God. Our children’s legacy did not have to die with them – they are carried forward in the lives of those who loved them, who tell their story and declare the praise of God so merciful that He meets us in our mourning, speaks to our grief and loves us through the most painful circumstances we could ever experience. He is God, our comfort, our strength and our ever present help in times of trouble. Trust Him, live on in His glory!

Prayer Requests

This week, I am asking for continued prayer for my marriage – praise! It is working! Just keep praying protection and for any assignment or weapon formed against my home, my husband and my family to be cast down and broken. Pray continued favor for this ministry and for God to continue to open doors that will allow me to serve Him and hurting moms in new ways.

Pray for the women who are hurting that frequent this blog, especially, my friend Alma. Lift up the hearts of grieving moms and the hurting women who come to this website in their grief and feel overwhelmed by their losses. God has a plan and I pray that His will would be continually done through all of us.

Father God,

I thank you, Lord, God for answered prayers. For protection, for comfort, for mercy and most of all for being with us every step of this journey, dear Lord. I come before you humbly Lord, honored by the ministry you’ve given me and the life before me that I have found the strength (in You) to press on through. Your Word is true, Your ways are righteous, You are holy and You alone are God. Apart from You, there is no other. I love you Lord, and am grateful today for what You are doing in the lives of every woman who comes to know you through Heart to Heart and its ministry. May Your name be honored and Your Son be glorified through our suffering and our healing. You will restore us, Lord. You will redeem our tears and You will bring beauty forth from the ashes of our lives. In Jesus Name, Amen.

This week’s Scripture:

As you consider this week’s Scripture, also reflect on the following questions:

* How does this verse of Scripture speak to you about your grief?

* Do you “feel” God’s comfort or have you experienced His comfort? If yes, how?

* How do you feel about God’s promise of comfort for those who mourn?

* Do you take God’s promises in Scripture as personal promises or general ones?

* Can you even imagine looking to the future?

Thought Filled Thursdays: A Strand of Three Cords…

My heart is so burdened as I weigh the Scripture for today’s post. I want to go back and pull up the questions that I posted on Monday:

As you consider this verse of Scripture and how it reflects the season of grief you are in, please also consider the following questions:

1.) Do you feel entangled by your grief? If yes, please explain.

2.) Do you have nightmares surrounding your loss that haunt your sleep? If yes, please explain.

3.) Do you feel that grief has laid hold of you and you are consumed by thoughts of death?

4.) Does anything compare to the suffering you are experiencing in the aftermath of your child’s death?

I asked do you feel entangled by your grief, and I want to say that at first I felt so alone and uncertain in my grief that I could barely think. I busied myself, frittered away my days.

I remember moments when driving where death so consumed me that I thought, “If I just hit that tree really fast and really hard I would die, too.” Almost as quickly, I would see my beautiful daughters and my husband and know that this irrational thought would not be a solution – only create more problems and more pains for those I loved the most. But, that irrational thought came from a place deep inside of me that was hurting so badly I could not seem to find resolution even in my most ardent prayers. It was a desparate thought in desparate times. A place where I just needed to stop the hurting going on in my heart, my head and my life.

This Scripture helps me to know that God understands that I hurt this way, that sorrow often leads to thoughts of death. Not that it is okay to entertain those thoughts, but that we can take those thoughts as ugly and devestating as they are to our Lord God and entrust Him with the pain that brings us to them.

This is how sorrow and grief entangle us – becoming a snare rather than a journey. Being stuck in our grief is one of the worst places I have found myself. Unable to really function, unwilling to ask for help… Afraid that one more thing, one more loss, one more painful moment would send me teetering over the edge. But, God doesn’t want us to go through grief alone. He wants us to find Him in our grief and find encouragement and support from others as we go along the way.

The enemy will tell us anything we are willing to believe: “It will never get better.” “God doesn’t care, He let your child die.” “Even if God does care, how do you know He’s there?” “You’d be better off dead, at least it wouldn’t hurt so much.” He will even tell you, “There is no God.”

But we have to shake off the lies of the enemy and stop buying what he’s been selling us. That’s why even one Scripture can be such a benefit to the grieving because God can take that one Scripture and open your heart toward Him with it.

The lies of the enemy are like heavy ropes. The more he wraps you up in them, the harder it is for us to break free. Pretty soon, we cannot even see the light. We are so weary from carrying around the weight of our entanglements that we just want it to end. That is when a wave of grief will wash over us – and in our bound state we won’t even be able to resist the way it washes deeper and deeper into the despair and agony of death. We are soon over our head in deep waters of grief, entangled with the lies and doubts planted in our hearts and we begin to sink. Call on Him. Cry out to Jesus, get involved in a group where the goal is seeking God in your grief, and remember that any entanglement that you are facing can be easily broken by the truth of God’s Word.

Begin to replace the lies of the enemy with the truth of God’s Word. When the enemy calls out “He doesn’t care about your pain.” Call that lie, what it is – A LIE. Rebuke it with the truth, “You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?” Psalm 56:8 (NKJV). God records the things that cause us pain in a remebrance book and stores our tears in a bottle, your suffering is important to God and He has a plan for it.

When the enemy tells you the Lord has abandoned you in your suffering, remind yourself of these beautiful words from in Deuteronomy “6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

And if you are inclined to claim a New Testament promise, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” – Hebrews 13:5 (NIV).

I found that God repeated this promise in this wording 8 times as translated in the NIV.

If you are lacking hope, look up Scriptures with the word hope. If you lack joy, look up and focus on Scriptures that talk about joy. Find a way to knit God’s Word into your heart. There is more to this life than what we live. Ecclesiastes tells us God has created an intuitive nature in us that seeks out eternity (Ecclesiastes 3). Our lives are made up of seasons where emotions and circumstances play their part in pointing us straight to God. We were created for eternity and all of this life is but a breath compared to life in eternity. Do no grow weary in doing good, for you will reap a harvest in God’s appointed time. (Galatians 6).

We cannot give up on one another either. This is why we must find a support environment that will help us work through our grief. Hebrews 10:25-26 tells us that we are not to give up in meeting together, but instead to meet together to encourage one another and all the more as we see the day of Christ approaching. Stand with one another – it is Life Support. When we find a common thread with which to allow God to weave our lives together – we will find hope in the hearts of those around us. We will pray together, unearth truth together, cry together and yes, we will even laugh together as we journey toward meaning and healing in grief.

Salve for our wounded soul:

“Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NKJV)

When we stand with another person in our grief we are a two strand cord, but when we add God to our relationship, we become a cord of three strands that cannot easily be broken. If you are entangled and snared in the depths of your grief – cry out to Jesus and let Him take you by the hand. Then, grab the hand of a grieving friend and you will find your way out of the valley of the shadow of death!

Listen to the following song and think of the power that raised Jesus from the dead, that power is available to you right now. We need Him, we need him to come to our rescue and to hold us when we cry. We need you Jesus!

Prayer Requests

This week I am asking for personal prayer for my meeting with Pastor Arnita on June 19, 2008. My youngest daughter, Taylor, left for Youth Camp this morning around 8:00 AM. Please pray for safe travel and for her to meet with God in a deeply personal way this week.

In grief we learn that no matter what kind of loss you suffer, often marriages suffer as well. Husbands and wives have trouble relating to each other, especially when the relationship is engulfed in two different people’s grief and pain. So it is with my marriage right now. I am asking God to be mighty in bringing peace and harmony to our home again. Showing us where we are hurting one another and what we need to do to bring our marriage into line with God’s will. My husband’s heart has been very hard lately, but in the last few weeks he has been listening and talking more. I have been very emotional and so – at times tensions can run high. Please pray for us, and especially my husband. God is doing a work in a marriage and I believe it will make us stronger and draw us closer than we have ever been before.

Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that we would turn to You rather than on You in our days of grief. That we would bring the most difficult questions, concerns and fears to the table and allow You to minister to our hearts, our minds and our souls… to our very relationships as they are affected by our grief. Bring mercy Lord, bring truth, bring healing and most of all wrap us up in Your ever present, all consuming love. You alone are God, You alone have the power to bring joy and healing to our lives again. Kiss our children, Lord, hug them up tight and tell them how much we love them. Remind us daily they are safely kept in Your loving care. In Jesus sweet, sweet name I pray all these things be done according to Your will. AMEN.

If you have prayer requests please select the comment link below and leave you request. If you are not a blog owner you can select the option to type in your name or post your request anonymously. Be blessed this week as we look to God’s Word for more insights, comfort and truth:

This Thursday’s devotional Scripture will be Psalm 116:3.

As you consider this verse of Scripture and how it reflects the season of grief you are in, please also consider the following questions:

1.) Do you feel entangled by your grief? If yes, please explain.

2.) Do you have nightmares surrounding your loss that haunt your sleep? If yes, please explain.

3.) Do you feel that grief has laid hold of you and you are consumed by thoughts of death?

4.) Does anything compare to the suffering you are experiencing in the aftermath of your child’s death?

I will be back on Thursday with my own insights and post about this verse and how I have found it speaks to my grief. Bless you all with comfort and mercy until then.

Thought Filled Thursdays: Lord Have Mercy…

* Do you find yourself in the midst of a time when your eyes cannot focus on the daily details of life much less where God is in the middle of all your pain? Yes/No and explain.

* How have you found grief to be physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting?

* What helps you to get through those times?
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As I weighed these questions, I thought about how the early stages of grief consumed my life. Avoidance, denial, physical illness, forgetfulness, mental and emotional exhaustion. It took me back to those early days just after the accident.
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The prayer of my heart those long and tedious hours sitting watching the numbers progressively rise as my son’s brain continually swelled while his body lay still and looked quite normal to me. He appeared to be asleep, his summer tan still tinting his arms and cheeks. I whispered to him the second day as I swabbed his body with a soft white wash cloth.

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“Justin, we need you to rest, baby. Get well, don’t fight – don’t worry about us, just rest. We’re all here, we love you and we need you back.”

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I found a scab in his right ear and used the wet cloth to wipe as much of the dried blood away. Thinking it was merely the remaining blood from his head wound, I wiped at it a little too hard and he pulled his head away. It was the first sign of life I had seen since he had been sedated right after surgery on Monday evening. A few moments later as I washed his face, my hand brushed his eyelashes and they fluttered just a bit. Perhaps an involuntary response, but a sign of life just the same. Just enough for this momma to hang onto her hope.

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The next morning I came in to find the nurse was ignoring my son’s rising brain pressure number and not talking to the doctors about it at all. I was upset by her lack of concern from my son’s condition and made a promise to my son as I stood next to his bed.

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“Momma’s here, baby, and I’m not going anywhere. They are going to have to run me out of here to get rid of me. About ten minutes later, they did. The full rotation staff came in and asked me to wait in the waiting room until they finished their exam. “I kissed his forehead and told him I would be right back.”

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When I returned a half hour later, the nurse was busy trying to settle him back in. I was still holding on to the prognosis that some who were injured as bad as my son had awakened from worse injuries to return to normal lives. I wanted a miracle for my son.

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The nurse looked at me and said, “I don’t know what happened, but as soon as you left all his numbers went off the charts!”

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I started laughing, “That’s my son. I promised him I would not leave him unless you made me leave. Then a few minutes later I told him I was leaving. He went nuts because he thought I broke my promise.”

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More hope, more life being seen. My son was in there, somewhere. I sang to him, bathed him, talked with him and sat beside him praying. That same night the nurse who had left him so “uncared” for the night before returned and I kept my promise. I stayed right by his side all night long. They moved him to a private room and he had a couple of good days. But, by Sunday evening, things were progressively growing worse.

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After they moved him to the private room I prayed differently. I spent all those hours in that room on my roll-a-way cot staring at the numbers watching him grow more and more still. The ventilator pumped a breath full of oxygen into his body rhythmically, the monitors beeped in time to his heartbeat and his brain pressure number slowly and steadily began to rise.

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The head nurse shared with me that we could be in the hospital with him in a coma for years and though there was a chance he would awaken and recover… We needed to be prepared for him to wake up in any state of disrepair, including the chance that he might not awaken at all. In that moment, as I considered that my life-loving, mischievious, wild at heart son might have to live the rest of his life as a child in a man’s body… My heart and my prayer changed.

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Where I had asked for a miracle all those hours before, now I pled for mercy.

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“Dear Lord God, You can heal Him and if it is Your will – restore Him Lord, give us a miracle. But, God if he is not going to be able to live his life fully and enjoy it – then, Lord, please have mercy on my son and give me peace to accept it. In Jesus name I ask these things, Amen.”

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My eyes filled with tears, my body growing wearier with sorrow… All I could think was that God was waiting for my baby if he didn’t survive. I blessed my heart as the presence of God and His Holy Spirit filled the room in those last few days. You could sense and feel His presence at work comforting and ministering to my son’s spirit as well as those of us who were preparing to say goodbye. I asked one final thing: “Lord, make is certain. If my hope is in Heaven, then leave no doubt.” My son’s brain hemorraghed sometime between 3:00 and 5:00 PM on Tuesday, August 23, 2005. Doctors called him officially brain dead at 5:00 PM in that same room where I had prayed for mercy, I also surrendered my son.

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It broke my heart to say goodbye, and as I left the building I remember being so weary of the hospital and the waiting. There was some relief that we now knew what to do next. But, the sorrow would encompass me in the months ahead. I would even grow sick, unable to cope with the simplest of tasks. I would forget to pay the bills I paid every month like the rent and phone. I would function in a realm of normalcy but all of it seemed to lack something vital – my heart.

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The funeral came and I cried the many tears we do in such a time as this. I remember feeling so lost as we returned to the church after the graveside service. I sat staring off into space, alone at the table without so much as a thought in my head. I was numb, exhausted and I had cried every last tear I could muster. I didn’t even eat as I recall. My friends came over and pulled me to a table to themselves. There we sat and they told me funny stories that brought laughter in the moment but sadness later as I cried my heart out on the way back to my cousin’s house where we had stayed since the day of the accident. I found a quiet couch in the back of the house and lay my body down to rest. I slept for hours undisturbed. I awoke to a dream and for many months I watched the doors and the horizon for any sign that my son would come home. My heart would ache, my arms grow weary of being empty, and I longed to hear his laughter and raspy voice just one more time. I wanted him back so badly and I would sit at his grave and ask God not to allow me to make him an idol.

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Somehow, I found my way through the weary, brokeness of sorrow to a place where the sun shines brighter and the trips to the cemetery are fewer and farther between. I can laugh without guilt, I can love without regret and though I still miss him in big ways… I know that someday we will stand in the presence of God together and bask in His glory as a family once again!

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He is not lost to me, just in the safest keeping I could ask for – resting in the arms of grace at the foot of the Throne of God. Heaven is a glorious place and if I cannot have him with me here, I can be okay with God having him there. To Him be the Glory.

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Salve for our wounded souls:

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Today as we think about the mercy we need for our weary and tired souls, let us look ahead to a place of total healing, total love and total grace: Heaven.

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Revelations (NKJV)

Chapter 22

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And he showed me a pure river of water of life,

clear as crystal, proceeding from the throne of God

and of the Lamb.

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2 In the middle of its street, and on either side

of the river, was the tree of life, which bore twelve fruits,

each tree yielding its fruit every month. The leaves of the tree

were for the healing of the nations.

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3 And there shall be no more curse, but

the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it,

and His servants shall serve Him.

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4 They shall see His face, and

His name shall be on their foreheads.

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5 There shall be no night there:

They need no lamp nor light of the sun,

for the Lord God gives them light.

And they shall reign forever and ever.

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6 Then he said to me,

“These words are faithful and true.”

And the Lord God of the holy prophets sent His angel

to show His servants the things which must shortly take place.

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7 “Behold, I am coming quickly!

Blessed is he who keeps the words of

the prophecy of this book.”

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8 Now I, John, saw and heard these things.

And when I heard and saw, I fell down to worship

before the feet of the angel who showed me these things.

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9 Then he said to me, “See that you do not do that.

For I am your fellow servant, and of your brethren

the prophets, and of those who keep

the words of this book. Worship God.”

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10 And he said to me, “Do not seal the words of

the prophecy of this book, for the time is at hand.

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11 He who is unjust, let him be unjust still;

he who is filthy, let him be filthy still; he who is righteous,

let him be righteous still; he who is holy, let him be holy still.”

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12 “And behold, I am coming quickly,

and My reward is with Me, to give to

every one according to his work.

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13 I am the Alpha and the Omega,

the Beginning and the End,

the First and the Last.”

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14 Blessed are those who do His commandments,

that they may have the right to the tree of life,

and may enter through the gates into the city.

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15 But outside are dogs and sorcerers and

sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters,

and whoever loves and practices a lie.

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16 “I, Jesus, have sent My angel to testify to you

these things in the churches. I am the Root and

the Offspring of David, the Bright and Morning Star.”

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17 And the Spirit and the bride say,

“Come!” And let him who hears say, “Come!”

And let him who thirsts come.

Whoever desires, let him take

the water of life freely.

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18 For I testify to everyone who hears the

words of the prophecy of this book:

If anyone adds to these things,

God will add to him the plagues

that are written in this book;

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19 and if anyone takes away from the words

of the book of this prophecy, God shall take

away his part from the Book of Life, from the holy city,

and from the things which are written in this book.

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20 He who testifies to these things says,

“Surely I am coming quickly.” Amen.

Even so, come, Lord Jesus!

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21 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.

Thought Filled Thursdays: I was left alone…

I prepared this week’s post early since I have much to do this weekend! Be Blessed! I’m praying for you all!

As a grieving mother, I felt utterly alone. I remember in those first few weeks after Justin’s death, Scott or I visited our family doctor at least five or six times. I to get more medication to deal with the stress I might be feeling, and Scott for his annual dose of allergy induced upper respiratory infection. I remember Dr. Hoover’s word to the two of us the day Scott went in for his appointment.

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“Remember, men and women grieve differently. Give yourself some room and some time. Be patient with each other.”

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Later, when I would go in for an individual appointment he would relay to me his own personal grief and how difficult it was for he and his wife during that time.

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“Men often feel like they have to be strong for their wives. They don’t know what you need from them and they don’t know how to respond to you.”

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It was a sobering and defeating thought, but a much needed message. What Dr. Hoover didn’t warn me about was the dream I was going to have in those early weeks. A nightmare really. I have had two nightmares and a couple of comforting dreams since Justin’s death nearly three years ago, but truthfully I didn’t know what to do with those first two very painful and realistic nightmares.

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In the first, I found myself sitting in the floor of my bedroom at home holding the cold, dead body of my 17 year old son. As I sat there weeping uncontrollably trying to pull him more and more into my lap, I noticed that my children and my husband were continually walking through the room and around the house. They even stepped over us, but no one acknowledged what I was doing. No one seemed to noticed how desperately I needed to take care of my son.

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I woke up as the vision of my dead son laying in my arms continued on the screen in my mind. In my nightmare I sat in the floor screaming at my family, “Would somebody please just help me take care of him?”

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I am not even kidding or exaggerating when I tell you that I woke up not only angry, but loaded for bear! I bolted up in my bed and immediately swung my clenched and shaking fist meeting my husband in the shoulder and startling him from his sleep. He barely had time to groggily respond before I jumped out of bed, ran to the bathroom to weep my eyes out.

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After that morning of anger and sorrow all mixed up in my heart and my head, I found myself growing with great intensity more and more angry. The object of my fiery anger: my husband.

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Why?

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I still don’t really know, but I do know that I came to call those periods of rage and anguish my “irrational” fits of anger. As I said in my introductory post, I learned what to do in those moments. I left the building. I just would disappear for a little while and get my head and my heart back on track. In those moments I needed to be alone.

Those first nine months of my grief, I hardly knew what to think much less to ask for… All I wanted was to keep those around me from feeling as bad as I did. I felt as if no one on earth could either understand or relate to how I felt.
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Those months were filled with well-meaning and loved friends and family offering their advice, their comfort and their services to me. All much to no avail. Nothing helped. One evening I sat at my computer IMing an “Internet pen pal” when I got an email. It was from a young woman I attended church with, worked with and mentored through women’s ministry. Her words: “I need to help you, you need me to help you… Tell me what to do to help you.”
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My emotions tipped the Richter scale as I responded in as nice a way as I could muster. In short, there are some parts of my journey that I will have to make alone, some parts that are intended for me to share with others and some parts that are still even hard for me to imagine at a time like this. I wrote from my heart: “What I need is for people not to tell me what I need right now. This may be hard for you to understand, but you ask what you can do for me and all I can say is this: Unless you can bring my son back to me, I don’t know what I need. But if you think you might like to go for ice cream one day – call me I may need to get out. And, in the case that I don’t feel up to it – it’s not personal… It’s just where I am. Sorting out the messiness of grief with God.”
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I so desperately wanted to be alone in my grief that I know I shut people out and shut my emotions down in public. People close to me knew my grief was palpable. They saw it in my eyes and expressed in a strong embrace. But, as much as I didn’t know what to do with the loneliness, sadness and anger… They didn’t know what to do with me.
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At Christmas, a friend hugged my neck as I was weeping bitter, sorrowful tears at the end of the service. She tried to sooth me as I gushed, “I just miss him so much.”
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Time felt as if it stood still, and my heart felt as if it would split right in two when she responded: “But, he ain’t missin’ you.”
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Perhaps I needed to hear that, but I didn’t want to – I didn’t want to think that a moment of life in heaven passed for Justin without him being joyfully aware of how much he was missed and loved by his mother here on earth. He just has to know that… He just has to. And, he does. He was made perfect in Christ when he came face to face with Him in heaven. He has perfect knowledge and the truth of that comforts me, but it is bittersweet.

So it is with the many things I have discovered about life and God in my grief. One thing I know for sure – it is true. Though my God doesn’t like what I do at times, He never leaves me and He never forsakes me. Though I forsake Him and grow angry or disillusioned with Him – He stays close, and walks along behind me until I decide to turn around and acknowledge He is there. He then will take me up in His strong and loving arms and comfort me as only He can.

He strokes my hair and rocks me as He sings a soothing song in my ear. “There, there Beloved…” I hear the gentle whisper of His voice say to me, “I know your sorrow is great. That your suffering is breaking your heart. But, have faith, My Child, I redeem the losses and make good the suffering. I mend broken hearts and carry your tears in a bottle marking each occasion that you have cried. You are My Child, and I love You, as much as I love My Son… So, I also love You. I know how You feel, sweet Child, for I gave up My Son for You. Your son is safely in my care and he will be here, in your cloud of witnesses. And when the time is right, his voice will be one of many calling to you beckoning you Home.”

YOU MAY WANT TO WRITE DOWN OR PRINT OUT THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS. Share your answers if you are comfortable. Mostly allow these answers to resonate in your heart of hearts and allow God to bring His truth to your pain.

How do you relate to the desolation and the loneliness of grief?

How have you learned to deal with your anger in grief?

How has God proven to you that He will never leave you or forsake you?
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Has someone who meant well said or done something that ended up making your grief worse instead of better?
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Have you found the grace to forgive them?
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At this point in your grief, what brings you the most comfort?
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Share one thing that you are thankful for or a special memory of your child.
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SALVE FOR OUR WOUNDED SOULS:
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“Praise be to the God and
Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion
and the God of all comfort,
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4 who comforts us in all our
troubles, so that we can comfort
those in any trouble with the comfort
we ourselves have received from God.
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5 For just as the sufferings of Christ
flow over into our lives, so also through
Christ our comfort overflows.
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6 If we are distressed,
it is for your comfort and salvation;
if we are comforted, it is for your comfort,
which produces in you patient endurance
of the same sufferings we suffer.
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7 And our hope for you is firm,
because we know that just as you share in
our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
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8 We do not want you to be uninformed,
brothers, about the hardships we suffered in
the province of Asia. We were under great
pressure, far beyond our ability to endure,
so that we despaired even of life.
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9 Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence
of death. But this happened that we might not rely
on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.
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10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril,
and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope
that he will continue to deliver us,
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11 as you help us by your prayers. Then many will
give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted
us in answer to the prayers of many.

2 Corinthians 1:3-11 (NIV)