A Message from the Owner

I had been preparing a post about Milestones and Holidays to get up last Thursday and then life spun off into orbit and I am just now settling back down.

It is crazy how time flies now that my husand is away.

I will suspend the Thought Filled Thursdays post until December. That is when things slow down for me and I will have some time to think.

There will still be posts and various opportunities to share in the days ahead, but just not to the same degree that we have been pressing forward these last few months. I’m not giving up on you, please do not give up on me. I love you all so much – to pieces really.

Please write to me and tell what you struggle most with in your grief or your personal journey. I want to help you and to pray for you. Please write and share with me. If you don’t feel comfortable leaving an email. Click on my picture or my name in the Sidebar and email me a message. I will be back as time permits to write to you from my heart. God is doing good things ladies… let us rejoice today and be glad in Him.

Thought Filled Thursdays: Trauma, Triggers, Troubles… Truth to Stand On

I wanted to write a post about trauma, triggers, things that trouble us and some truth to stand on in the days to come. I’ve long said that there are three primary things that got me through my grief: Truth, Talking and Tears. I have reached a place where the tears mean and come for different reasons than they once did, and I must admit that I had a period of time where it felt as if I couldn’t cry another drop of wet sorrow over my son – even if I wanted to. I just felt all cried out. Still… The tears are important, as are the things that triggered them and the truth that I discovered in them when I talked about my loss, my God and the places I had been with Justin since we began this journey together some 20 years ago..

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Tammy wrote a terrific post about things that trigger her memories, her tears and her to work through her grief. Be sure to read about it here. It is such a reminder about the importance of allowing your heart and body to fully express grief as it comes in your life.

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I am a visual/audio person. Images and music tend to have a significant impact on me for some reason – so as I was beginning to write this post a few scenes came to mind and along the way that song at the end landed on me with a deep sense of truth tucked away inside of it.

(**Tissue warning… Tissue Warning… Sobbing scenes ahead.**)

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The first two video clips are from Terms of Endearment staring Shirley McClaine and Deborah Winger. This movie was produced in 1983. I remember being a high school student when my brother and I hosted a sleepover for all our neighborhood friends. Four girls and four boys were sitting in my bedroom floor watching this movie in the middle of the night. All four girls were blubbering and wiping their noses in a full on ugly cry while the boys looked on in awe at all that estrogen charged emotion.

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For me, Shirley McClaine fighting for her daughter was like those last few days of Justin’s life when it felt like the world had stopped and all I wanted was to take care of my son and make sure everyone responded with his best interest at heart.

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For many days no one would tell us what was happening with my Jay-bird. He lay in that bed, his blood pressure and temperature were looking really good. With his summer tan on his face he looked so peaceful sleeping there. But, his cranial pressure – the indicator for the severity of the swelling on his brain – just kept rising. On the seventh day, Monday, August 22nd, everything in my life felt upside down. The doctors had come in early while I was away and my dad was with him. I had returned home overnight to go to my own doctor and take my daughters to school. They said that one of his pupil’s had stopped responding to light which could mean that he was taking a turn for the worst. My dad called and I prayed. “Lord, please… just let him be alive when I get there.”

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I had told the doctors for days that we wanted the complete, unvarnished truth. By noon, when the neurosurgeon’s had avoided my son’s room and talking to me for the second time I was a frantic mess. I was crying, shaking and ANGRY. I felt much of what Shirley McClaine expresses in this scene – except my son didn’t need a shot for pain. I needed answers about his condition – answers no one seemed willing to provide.

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The social worker assigned to be our advocate during Justin’s eight day ordeal at the hospital advised me to call the doctor’s office and ask them to help me. I went back to the nurse’s station. Within minutes I was on the line with a Physician’s Assistant who had not even seen my son in the hospital. He placed me on hold and reviewed my son’s file and films. I felt like I had been there forever when he came back on and said, “Ma’am, though I have not examined your son I would say that we need to do a test and I will order it for tomorrow or the next day. This test will measure the blood flow to your son’s brain.”

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I already sensed what the results of that test would be… Still, at least I had some sort of answer to what the doctor’s were thinking. He assured me that we would have definitive answers about my son’s condition after this test was completed. I asked my husband to call the elders and have them come along with our pastor and family. I did not want to deal with people – I just wanted to have those who’d loved us longest and those who had been there for my son during the most difficult months to pray with us over him before we released him to God. Apparently, Scott did not convey that message. That night more than 150 people arrived at the hospital and my father “ran the tour.” When the nurses gave him the heads up that he could bring as many people back as he could – four at a time – he began walking out and leading people back to the room for five minute visits where he explained all the details of the monitors and held onto his hope that my son was going to live.

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I, on the other hand, had been sitting on my cot while his nurse, Donna, checked his pupils as was the hourly routine. When she looked up with discouraged eyes that showed me a heart aching for our family all she could do was whisper. “We’ve lost his other pupil.”

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The finality of those words lay over me like a thick, suffocating blanket. My son had slipped away. I felt the warm wet tears that had been mine for days as Justin’s condition hit peaks and then dove into valleys … “That’s not good is it?”

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She shook her head, came to my side and sat and held me in her arms as I cried. She wept, too. It touched me in the deep places of my heart the way the staff of the hospital loved on us and met with us in our need. They took good care of my baby and my family during those awful days when tragedy visited us and death consumed one of our own.

These next scenes mark out some of how I felt on August 23, 2005. Such peace in the passing, but then terrible angst. One of my prayers that week was for God to make the outcome sure. Either He was going to heal and restore my son or He wasn’t this side of heaven. By that last day, my heart cry was not to bring my son back in a broken state, but to make it absolutely certain and to leave no doubt about God’s will. When the doctor’s told us that they were sure his brain stem had hemorrhaged on his way back from the last test and they would be in to turn off his ventilator so we should gather our family… Again I felt peace mixed with deep sorrow.

Certainty.

There was not absolution for me until they turned off the machines and there was no gasp of air, no shaking, nothing that suggested my son was still in that body. He had slipped away quietly while no one was looking. He tread the path to heaven with Jesus by his side and I knew with absolute certainty that he would never awaken to me on earth again. The sobs of death consumed me as that truth settled into my life for the first time. I bathed his body, held him tight and left him to the medical examiner. He still is my son.
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The Steel Magnolias funeral scene has always reduced me to tears. The things that M’lynn expresses at the funeral reflected my own heart about the death of my child. She recounted the last minutes with “there was no gasp, no tremble – just peace” She said her husband couldn’t take it, he left. Her son-in-law couldn’t take it… he left. That men, “they’re supposed to be made of steel or something, but they couldn’t take it… I was there when that beautiful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life.”
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I felt all that and more in those hours leading up to and out of my son’s death. I recently asked my husband where he was standing when they turned off Justin’s machines. His answer? By the door. He spent little time in the room with Justin and I, barely able to stand the “frankenstein–esque” monitor in his skull and all the bleating machines and wires that ran to and from his body.

Since I’ve given you some heavier scenes to contemplate earlier I thought I would drop this next one in because it makes us laugh. It so accurately expresses the full range of anger, emotional tumult and that uncanny role of humor in our tears that can come in times of great tragedy.

This final scene was met with a round of cheers as my daughters and I watched this serial drama for teenagers. One Tree Hill is on the CW (formerly the WB) each week and we’ve followed it off and on from its inception.

This scene is between the original group of One Tree Hill who are now adults and teachers in the life of a teenager who was killed when he accidentally walked in on an armed robbery at a gas station. I include it because there is truth to stand on in these lines… and it is truth hard to find in the entertainment industry these days. When others are crying out that self-awareness and getting in touch with your inner child or nature, and society says we create our own realities… Here is this little serial drama that does not get it right half the time declaring the truth for all to see. Thank God He uses even the mundane to reveal Himself in small ways.

There’s an old saying “God will not give us more than we can bear.” But, as I read the Scriptures I hear the Holy Spirit saying something fresh in 1 Corinthians 10:12-13 “Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. 13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” (NKJV, emphasis mine)

God is faithful to keep us from being pushed beyond our limits. In and of our own power and strength we have nothing, Scripture tells us that His strength is made perfect in our weakness – meaning it is proven powerful in the weakest, most devastating moments of our lives. When I read 1 Corinthians 10:13 it speaks this to me: “God will not give us more than HE can bear.” That passage says that with God I can withstand any trial, any suffering, any temptation and overcome because He makes the way.

Paul reports in his epistles as having been afflicted by a thorn in the flesh that He prayed three times to have removed. But, rather than removing the thorn, God provided him the grace to endure the tempest and the storm. God will provide the same for you. He is the God of all comfort. He sustains those who are weak and hurting. He comforts those who suffer and mourn and He gives grace and strength to those who feel as if they cannot go on. He causes us to stand. We have a Rock in Jesus Christ upon which to STAND FIRM. So …. my friends, Stand. When you think you’ll give up. Stand. When you’re down on you’re luck. Stand. Get up… Can’t you hear Him saying, Get up and Stand with Me in this. He wants you to stand.

Stand

(As Sung by Rascal Flatts)

“You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you’ve lost your fight
But you’ll be alright, you’ll be alright
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[Chorus:]
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you’re made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
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On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
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Then you Stand,
Then you stand
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Life’s like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you’re given before its gone
Start holding on,
keep holding on
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[Repeat Chorus]
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Every time you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Oh…
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[Repeat Chorus]

With my love and prayers,

Michelle

Thought Filled Thursdays: Our Healer

This Post was originally posted on my PERSONAL BLOG on April 2, 2008. It is a part of the study of the names of God I’ve been doing there this year. There is a lot of information here, but hang on to the end – it is so worth it.

Blessings, Michelle

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“and said, ‘If you diligently heed the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in His sight, give ear to His commandments and keep all His statutes, I will put none of the diseases on you which I have brought on the Egyptians. For I am the Lord who heals you.'”

~ Exodus 15:26 (NKJV)
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This week we are going to study the name of God, “Yahweh Rophe,” literally “The LORD who heals you.” Please review the following definitions and commentaries regarding Exodus 15:20-27 where God reveals Himself as the covenant God of divine healing.
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Yahweh or Jehovah is the same word we covered a few weeks ago that identifies God as the covenant making and keeping God of Israel – He was the personal God of Israel who identified Himself to them by name. Please refresh yourself by revisiting the following Strong’s Definition for Jehovah:

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Hebrew Strong’s Number: 3068

Hebrew Word: ‏יהוה‎
Transliteration: yhwh
Phonetic Pronunciation:yeh-ho-vaw’
Root: from <H1961>

Cross Reference: TWOT – 484a

Part of Speech: n pr dei

Vine’s Words: Lord

Usage Notes:
English Words used in KJV: LORD 6510, GOD 4, JEHOVAH 4, variant 1 [Total Count: 6519]
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from <H1961> (hayah); (the) self-Existent or Eternal; Jehovah, Jewish national name of God :- Jehovah, the Lord. Compare <H3050> (Yahh), <H3069> (Yehovih).
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Now for the name, Rophe or rāphā’.
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Hebrew Strong’s 7495
Hebrew Word: ‏רָפָא‎
Transliteration: rāpāʾ
Phonetic Pronunciation:raw-faw’
Root: a primitive root

Cross Reference: TWOT – 2196
Part of Speech: v
Vine’s Words: Heal (To)

Usage Notes:
English Words used in KJV: heal 57, physician 5, cure 1, repaired 1, misc 3 [Total Count: 67]

or raphah, raw-faw’; a primitive root; properly to mend (by stitching), i.e. (figurative) to cure :- cure, (cause to) heal, physician, repair, × thoroughly, make whole. See <H7503> (raphah).
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The Lexical Aids from the Complete Word Study Old Testament have this definition for the derivative of rāphā’ (7495) – which is rāphā’ ref # 7496.

This masculine plural noun originates from rapha (7495). It describes those flaccid, feeble, weak persons who are living in Hades. The term is a synonym for “the dead” or “the place of the dead.” (See Psalm 88:10, Proverbs 2:18, 9:18, 21:16; Isaiah 14:9, 26:14, 19.)

Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words by W. E. Vine included the following definition of rāpā’ (Strong’s Reference 7495)

“to heal.” This word is common to both ancient and modern Hebrew. It occurs approximately 65 times in the Hebrew Old Testament, appearing first in Genesis 20:17 [where God healed Abimelech].

“To heal” may be described as “restoring to normal,” an act which god typically performs. Thus, appeals to God for healing are common: Psalm 6:2, Jeremiah 7:14. Not only are human diseases “healed,” but bad water is restored to normal or “healed” (2 Kings 2:22); salt water is “healed” or made fresh (Ezekiel 47:8); even pottery is “healed” or restored (Jeremiah 19:11).

A large number o fuses of rāpā’ express the “healing” of the nation – such “healing” not only involves God’s grace and forgiveness, but also the nation’s repentance. Divine discipline leads to repentance and “healing”: Hosea 6:1, and God’s promises found in Jeremiah 30:17. Even foreign cities and powers can know God’s “healing if they repent. (Jeremiah 51:8-9).

False prophets are condemned because they deal with the symptoms and not with the deep spiritual hurts of the people: Jeremiah 6:14 and 8:11.

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In Exodus 15:20-27 we read the account of the Israelites in the desert when God “healed” the bitter waters of Marah making them sweet. The Baker Commentary on the Whole Bible (Walter A. Elwell, Ed., Baker Books, Grand Rapids, MI, 1989) includes this commentary on the Exodus 15 account where God reveals Himself as Jehovah (Yahweh) Rophe. “The result of this event is God’s introduction of an ordinance for Israel (vv. 25b-26). The purpose of this event is to “prove” or “test” Israel. After witnessing God’s saving act at the sea, how would they respond to the dilemma of the bitter water? Would they look to God? No, they complain, or break faith with God. This is merely the first of many instances where this happens.”

This passage in Exodus 15 is also called “The Old Testament Healing Covenant” by Jack Hayford in The Hayford Bible Handbook. “(Exodus 15:26). This verse is widely referred to as the OT Divine Healing Covenant. It is called a “covenant,” because in it God promises He will keep His people free from diseases and conditions the promise upon their diligent obedience.” He goes on to say that the terms used for diseases and healing in the Hebrew indicate ailments of the body and their healing. “This is not only a spiritual concept, but an intensely physical one.”

As I evaluated all the definitions from the Hebrew for Rophe, I was also given to look up the grammatical notations. The word Rapha or Rophe is a Qal Particple Active. This means it is a “verbal adjective in the active voice, indicating continued simple action.” (Lexical Aids of the OT, Complete Word Study Old Testament)

Think of that, this is an active description of God doing a continued simple action in the lives of those who are in covenant and obedient to Him. If you knew that your physical, emotional and spiritual healing depended on God perpetuating a continued simple action – would you believe Him for it! The promise is for us to enter into a covenant of obedience and He will bring about the healing in our lives as it is needed. It is when we get out of line with His will and His Word that we suffer the greatest afflictions. The enemy has an open door.

As I read through the various commentaries and the definitions preparing for this devotion yesterday, I was struck by one phrase: “To mend (by stitching)…” from the Strong’s definition. To Mend By Stitching – what does that mean to you? It brought three things to my mind: 1.) Healing is a process ordained by God, 2.) That it does not just come in the form of miraculous instantaneous healings, but may involve a painful process that delivers us into a place of healing and rest, 3.) That it may leave scars. Have you ever had a scar or stitches? The area that was stitched is often tender, vulnerable to infection and if the stitches are torn out prematurely through activity they can make the wound worse. When the stitches are removed after a set period of time, there is a scar. Visible evidence of the wound that often times is very sensitive even after the stitches are removed because the tissue has not fully healed. You can run your hand over it and feel the bumpy growth of new skin, a new scar is typically sensitive to touch and to movement. It is a constant, present reminder of not only the wound and how it got there, but what it took for the wound to be healed. The truth of the matter is that once torn, the stitched area does not ever really look or feel the same as it did before – the evidence of the wound is always there. So what does that mean?

In my own life I have scars from accidental cuts doing dishes where I had to have stitches, and I have had several surgeries that resulted in stitches being applied. Over time the areas where the stitches were applied have faded and the skin become more pliable until you may notice the discoloration or the different texture of the skin mildly, but the scar is not as prominent as it once was. Healing, both physically and spiritually, can be just this kind of process that comes in measures of time, or as the definition says, it can be a situation where God brings instant and thorough restoration to the person who requires healing. Healing, and its measure and its administration is determined by God – not by man. He may bring healing through natural means, human means, miraculous means or over a period of time – however God chooses to heal it should be recognized and embraced as the work of God and not just a coincidence.

When I injured my knee last summer, I was prayed over at church and saw immediate results within 24 hours of the prayer being offered on my behalf. Where I was heavily medicated and on crutches when I went down for prayer, the next morning I was able to walk and move without crutches and virtually operated throughout the day medication free. (At night I took a muscle relaxer to ensure I did not unconsciously undo the “healing” I had received. I know, but this was my first experience and I truthfully feel God uses doctors and medicine as agents of healing… so there it is.) When I returned to the doctor for my MRI results a few weeks later I was sure he would report a miraculous reversal of the injury I had sustained. When he didn’t, he actually said, “I don’t see how you are still walking on that knee.” I told him about the prayer for healing and my belief that I had already received full grace for my injury – he replied, “Protection from pain is a form of healing, and God does use doctors to bring healing at times.” Which I knew to be true, I later had surgery and recovered quickly. I have been to other services where prayer for healing was offered and I received the prayers and each time a new level of healing was manifested in my life. I receive it and walk in it and believe God for it each time I receive it. I could not do that if I did not believe He was the Great Physician as the New Testament calls Him or the Divine Healer that the Old Testament reveals Him to be.

Most curious to me was the “healing of waters,” indicating God’s healing is more than a healing of our body, souls and spirits – He can also heal or restore our circumstances, our relationships and our destinies. God is a healing God and not limited by what we view as healing. Not only that, but when God works healing and restoration in our lives it is never incomplete or lacking in any way – it is always intended to make us whole by His standard.

We must recognize that if we are not receiving full healing in any area of our lives that our affliction may be serving a shaping or molding process that will ultimately humble us before God, bring us to repentance and then God can work the full restoration in our lives. I am not at all saying that all affliction is the result of sin in our lives, but if we fail to believe God fully for healing, we may not fully realize it. It is the faith of those who encountered Jesus that points me to this end. When one was healed by the ministry of Jesus, He told them one of two things: “Your faith has healed you.” Or “Your sins are forgiven.” It is not up to us to decide what kind of healing we need, it is up to us to believe God for the healing and do what He tells us to do to receive it.

As we look at the following verses of Scripture let’s see what we can learn from each about how and why God is bringing healing. Note anything you discover about healing as we read:

⁵ “Return and tell Hezekiah the leader of My people, ‘Thus says the Lord, the God of David your father: “I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will heal you. On the third day you shall go up to the house of the Lord. ⁶ And I will add to your days fifteen years. I will deliver you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria; and I will defend this city for My own sake, and for the sake of My servant David.” ~ 2 Kings 20:5-6 (NKJV)

Why did God restore Hezekiah’s health? In 2 Kings 20:3 we hear Hezekiah’s prayer. He was calling on God to be as good as His Word in Exodus 15:26 – Hezekiah cried out to God for mercy because Hezekiah had lived his life pursuing what was right in the eyes of the Lord. Consider this – God was as good as His Word, but would Hezekiah have died had he not cried out to God? I believe God restored Hezekiah because his prayer and heart cry indicated his deep faith and belief in God as the only source of his healing.

[A Psalm] of David.
BLESS (AFFECTIONATELY, gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul; and all that is [deepest] within me, bless His holy name! ² Bless (affectionately, gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul, and forget not [one of] all His benefits— ³ Who forgives [every one of] all your iniquities, Who heals [each one of] all your diseases, ⁴ Who redeems your life from the pit and corruption, Who beautifies, dignifies, and crowns you with loving-kindness and tender mercy; ⁵ Who satisfies your mouth [your necessity and desire at your personal age and situation] with good so that your youth, renewed, is like the eagle’s [strong, overcoming, soaring]! ~ Psalms 103:1-5 (AMP)

God is not only the gracious God who offers us salvation, but He brings healing in every form and fashion. He restores us through our faith in Christ for salvation from the consequences of sin, He heals us physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually so we can love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. He redeems us and makes whole our lives from the ugliness and decay of this life – He brings beauty and dignity through loving-kindness and mercy, and He satisfies us with every good thing we could possibly need bringing renewal and strength to our lives – that we may run and not grow weary and walk and not faint. Being Strong, Overcoming and Soaring with God is Healing!

¹⁸ I have seen his ways, and will heal him; I will also lead him, And restore comforts to him And to his mourners. ¹⁹ “I create the fruit of the lips: Peace, peace to him who is far off and to him who is near,” Says the Lord, “And I will heal him.” ~ Isaiah 57:18-19 (NKJV)

God is watching us, He is listening to us He brings healing to us as we follow Him in obedience. He restores us through comfort in seasons of mourning and brings to us Peace as we praise Him with the fruit of our lips. No matter where we feel we are in relationship to God – He is in the business of healing those who honor and believe Him for the covenant of Divine Healing.

He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions. ~ Psalms 107:20 (NKJV)

As I read the commentaries on this verse, I found that the common thought is that this verse indicates the healing God brings to situations we create ourselves through gluttony, intended disobedience and abuse of our own bodies and lives. The key is His Word, the Word of God brings healing as God sends it forth into our lives and it becomes a salve on our minds, souls, hearts and bodies. It brings change and restoration (transformation) from the inside out. When we begin to see God’s Word at work in our lives – we will no be able to miss His healing work as well it comes by faith and faith comes by hearing the Word of God.

He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds. ~ Psalms 147:3 (NKJV)

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, Because the Lord has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound; ² To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, ³ To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” ~ Isaiah 61:1-3 (NKJV)

God promises in Psalm 147 to bring healing to the brokenhearted – yes, wounds that come to us at the hands or actions of others also are healed. They are healed by the precious life and blood of Christ. This promise was fulfilled when Jesus read it in the synagogue centuries later and said, “These words have been fulfilled in your hearing.” Jesus came not only to heal those He encountered each day of His earthly life, He is here to heal us now – we must believe we do not have to be walking wounded – but the victory has been won and we are free to walk in it by the power and name of Jesus Christ.

For I will restore health to you And heal you of your wounds,’ says the Lord, ‘Because they called you an outcast saying: “This is Zion; No one seeks her.” ‘ ~ Jeremiah 30:17 (NKJV)

When no one else can see our potential – God does. Cry out to Him, tell Him where it hurts and let Him do the healing work. Do not listen to those who would say Healing is impossible, that nothing will ever change. Believe God and seize every moment of victory you discover in your journey of faith! He is a God who Heals, claim it today!

As we weigh the Word today, I am going to include two chapters of Scripture for your reflection. I am praying God will reveal Himself as Healer to you in new and meaningful ways. Take your time as you consider God and His Word today – let Him apply the healing treatments to every area of your life where you are afflicted and cry out to Him in your need. He is faithful, He is listening and He desires to bring you healing in every way! (Both Passages are NKJV)

Psalm 38

¹ A Psalm of David. To bring to remembrance.
O Lord, do not rebuke me in Your wrath,
Nor chasten me in Your hot displeasure!

² For Your arrows pierce me deeply,
And Your hand presses me down.

³ There is no soundness in my flesh Because of Your anger,
Nor any health in my bones Because of my sin.

⁴ For my iniquities have gone over my head;
Like a heavy burden they are too heavy for me.

⁵ My wounds are foul and festering
Because of my foolishness.

⁶ I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly;
I go mourning all the day long. ^.

⁷ For my loins are full of inflammation,
And there is no soundness in my flesh.

⁸ I am feeble and severely broken;
I groan because of the turmoil of my heart. ^.

⁹ Lord, all my desire is before You;
And my sighing is not hidden from You.

¹⁰ My heart pants, my strength fails me;
As for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me.

¹¹ My loved ones and my friends stand aloof from my plague,
And my relatives stand afar off.

¹² Those also who seek my life lay snares for me;
Those who seek my hurt speak of destruction,
And plan deception all the day long.

13 But I, like a deaf man, do not hear;
And I am like a mute who does not open his mouth. ^.

¹⁴ Thus I am like a man who does not hear,
And in whose mouth is no response.

¹⁵ For in You, O Lord, I hope;
You will hear, O Lord my God.

¹⁶ For I said, “Hear me, lest they rejoice over me,
Lest, when my foot slips, they exalt themselves against me.”

¹⁷ For I am ready to fall,
And my sorrow is continually before me.

¹⁸ For I will declare my iniquity;
I will be in anguish over my sin.

¹⁹ But my enemies are vigorous, and they are strong;
And those who hate me wrongfully have multiplied.

²⁰ Those also who render evil for good,
They are my adversaries, because I follow what is good. ^.

²¹ Do not forsake me, O Lord;
O my God, be not far from me!

²² Make haste to help me, O Lord, my salvation!
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Isaiah 53

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Who has believed our report?
And to whom has the arm of
the Lord been revealed?
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² For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant,
And as a root out of dry ground.
He has no form or comeliness;
And when we see Him,
There is no beauty that we should desire Him.

^.

³ He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
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⁴ Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.

^.

⁵ But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
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⁶ All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

^.

⁷ He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
Yet He opened not His mouth;
He was led as a lamb to the slaughter,
And as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
So He opened not His mouth.
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⁸ He was taken from prison and from judgment,
And who will declare His generation?
For He was cut off from the land of the living;
For the transgressions of My people He was stricken.

^.

⁹ And they made His grave with the wicked—
But with the rich at His death,
Because He had done no violence,
Nor was any deceit in His mouth.
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¹⁰ Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise Him;
He has put Him to grief.
When You make His soul an offering for sin,
He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days,
And the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in His hand.

^.

¹¹ He shall see the labor of His soul, and be satisfied.
By His knowledge
My righteous Servant shall justify many,
For He shall bear their iniquities.
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¹² Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great,
And He shall divide the spoil with the strong,
Because He poured out His soul unto death,
And He was numbered with the transgressors,
And He bore the sin of many,

And made intercession for the transgressors.

Thought Filled Thursdays – It’s All Relative

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Philippians 2:1-3 (NIV)

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As I was preparing this post, I was looking for Scriptures that would be “relative” in nature. That is when Philippians 2 came to me. It is such a passage of hope for relationships. It says IF you have any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from his love, any fellowship with his Spirit… any tenderness and compassion… Do nothing out of selfish ambition and vain conceit, but consider others better than yourself. The great commandment, in Jesus words, is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength – and then the second – Love your neighbor as yourself. Loving those closest to us as we love our self – What does that look like?
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A few weeks ago I was listening to someone on the radio beating someone else down and using the “Ten Commandments” to do it. I suddenly had a revelation about the “Law” versus “Grace”
issue of the Old and New Testament or Covenants. You see, God instituted boundaries in the Ten Commandments that would ensure the two commandments that Christ referenced would be observed by all who are marked by the love of His covenant. His covenant is an everlasting covenant.
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In the Gospels, Jesus tells us He did not come to replace the law but to fulfill it. I could not get past that phrase – not to replace but to fulfill. Of course, the evidence is that He fulfilled the Law and its requirements by never violating them. He also fulfilled the purpose of the Law by providing atonement and an avenue for unrighteous man to have access to God without the penalty of sin. He did it all. He loved them all. He died for them all. Love your neighbor as yourself. For God so loved the World that He gave all.
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It was this fulfilling of the Law that makes a relationship with God possible. So why am I dwelling on this in a week when we are talking about boundaries, relationships and relating to our friends and family in spite of our grief. Because it is all relative, that’s why. Through Christ we have relationship with God and a higher call to relationship with one another. We are called to continue the fulfillment of the Law in our relationships through the power and love of Jesus Christ.
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That day as I listened to the radio personality beating up on a “fellow Christian” with the Ten Commandments and Scripture – It struck me funny. How many times does Scripture say we are to be unified in Spirit and to love one another? How often does it say that love covers a multitude of sins? Yet, here is this self proclaimed Evangelist who is sarcastically tearing other preachers and teachers to shreds for the things they are doing and saying in their ministries on public radio.
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It just lay all over me as I muttered, “They preach the Law, but the Law is not at work in them. The Law fulfilled by grace.”
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I was not angry, nor was I disgusted – I was moved with compassion for people who try so diligently to keep the letter of the Law and miss the grace that is at work in it. The Law is full of grace. When God established boundaries for His people those boundaries were designed to allow His people to reflect two things: 1.) Their heart to love Him, and 2.) His heart to love us. The first four are about how we are to express our love and devotion to God, and the latter six are an expression of God’s love for mankind through His people. The beauty is that by not stealing, lying, murdering, committing adultery and coveting your neighbor’s things, as well as honoring your father and mother – we find ourselves at the center of selfless acts of love that allow us to administer grace instead of judgment. Grace at work in the Law and fulfilled on the cross through Christ Jesus.
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It is through the fulfilling of the perfect Law of God that redemption came, and it is through that same perfect law that redemption of our grief and our sorrow will come. When we institute boundaries in our relationships that exemplify our love for God and His love for mankind – specifically for those we are in relationship with we perpetuate the fulfillment of the Law and express the Gospel in love, truth and mercy.

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Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man. ~ Psalm 112:4 (NIV)~

Thought Filled Thursdays – Cultivating Gratitude

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.
Psalm 116:7

In the year leading up to Justin’s death, I prayed many prayers for him. He was a troubled young man trying to find his way in a world that had left him fatherless and searching for an identity that would make him feel complete. Justin knew Jesus. He struggled every week with his mental illness and angry thoughts. He knelt at the altar and honestly reflected on and shared his pain.

It is almost impossible to imagine the pain of losing a child suddenly and traumatically the way most of us have. Yet, with Justin watching him self-destruct up close and personal, and fighting for every inch of his life was almost worse. I remember walking into church in October 2004. I was weary, we had just spent a week unraveling the mess of having to pick him up from the police for breaking curfew. We would learn that week that he had been sneaking out regularly, experimenting with alcohol and prescription medication all trying to turn off his mind. He sat shaking violently as tears were streaming down his face.

“Momma, I need help. I can’t do this anymore.”

It broke my heart. We had been hoping to get him help sooner, but he had been adamant. He didn’t want to be medicated or otherwise labeled as defective. He pretended to be normal while his life spun vigorously out of control. As I felt the tears stinging my eyes that day in church I said, “I don’t even know what to ask for anymore. Would you just pray for my son?”

A few hours later, my friend – and Pastor’s wife – came rushing up to me at the evening service. She thrust a paper in front of me and said, “Michelle, God has given me a word for Justin – It’s continue. You know, like Philippians 1:6 – God will continue the good work He began in him at salvation.”

We immediately went to the prayer room and knelt there hands tightly clasped praying for my prodigal son. We looked up ten or so Scriptures that we prayed over her adult prodigal and my teenage one. All had the word continue in them. We prayed hard, we prayed often, and we prayed believing. His life began to improve.

After the New Year rolled around and 2005 came in full swing, those prayers came more feverishly and more often. Our cry to God became more desperate. My son’s life began to spin again, first slowly and then into full blown mental, emotional and social issues that threatened to destroy my marriage and our family. It was more than I could take. I would lay on my bed at night and weep to the Lord – Crying out in anguish over my child. I would go to Justin in the night to lay hands on him and pray. I had him on prayer chain after prayer chain, as well as in the counsel and company of godly men. I searched Scripture and held fast. Then one night, as we concluded an exercise at Bible study where we were supposed to write our most ardent prayer request on an index card a revelation and a release came.

The instructions were to write out the request, hold it up to heaven and instead of continuing to pray that request over and over again, thank God for the answer by faith instead. I started that night and continued throughout the next few months. That day, as I made my way to the hospital certain of very little except that I needed God’s strength and peace to face whatever lay ahead I found myself praising God for little things… That my son was alive when I got to the hospital, for a family and church that loved us so, that God would ultimately have mercy on my son and provide the peace I would need to carry on. When he died I found myself praising God and thanking Him for the 17 years of life we had with him. My soul finds rest in God alone… He is my hope, my strength and my song.

My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. ~ Psalm 34:2

Thought Filled Thursdays – Powerful Beyond Measure

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.
2 Peter 1:3 (NIV)

What does powerful beyond measure look like to you right now? In those early days of my grief I reasoned that the only way I could get out of bed everyday was because of the power of Christ at work in me. I knew that in and of myself I could do nothing good, noble or powerful. Yet, here I am holding on still – determined to live my life fully as God has purposed for me to do until He finally calls me home. How did I arrive here?

God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness.(2 Corinthians 12:9) We serve and live in relationship with the power and atoning grace of God through His Son, Jesus Christ, and His Holy Spirit. I used to cringe when people looked at me as the source of strength and power in my life – as if by some power within me I willed myself to endure with perseverance, maintain hope and hold onto life because it was in and of me. I heard it many times: “You’re holding together so well, we almost forget what you’re going through.”

“You are so much stronger than I am – I don’t know what I would do.”

Honestly, I didn’t either. My worst confessed fear was that one of my children would die. I couldn’t imagine the pain or surviving that kind of loss. In truth, I did not want to survive that kind of loss. My confession was that if anything every happened to my children I would die. I would just die, too.

God, however, had other plans. I merely submitted to His Word, those plans and ultimately surrendered any control I thought I had in my life to Him. That is the amazing thing about God – submission on God’s terms is a paradox. He asks us to surrender and in surrender He empowers us beyond measure. Logically, naturally surrender would not empower us – it would give control and power to someone or something else. Yet, surrendering to God transfers our burden to Him and His power to us. Let that settle on you for a moment.

We must continue to live in the power and the calling of God upon our lives in spite of our present sufferings. We must rise above the suffering and live fully in the purposes of God for our suffering. But how?

Well, it starts with surrender. Admitting that there is nothing more that we ourselves can do to overcome the pain, the suffering and the temptations we face in this life. We have to surrender the lies we have been holding onto and the ways we try to stay safe and protect ourselves from risk and hurt. We have to come to the end of ourselves, the pride of our lives and fully depend on God for every aspect of our existence. It doesn’t make sense – but God told us it wouldn’t.

Through Isaiah the prophet God assures us that His ways will not make sense to us. His ways confound human nature and logic and leave us scratching our heads. When that came into my life three years ago, I did not have a clue what God was doing, but I was determined to find out. There were two promises I held onto – Jeremiah 29:11 and Romans 8:28. I believed with all my heart that God had a plan and a purpose for the aftermath of the death of my child and that His purpose would bring good to my life again and reveal His glory in immeasurable ways.

What did I do to receive this power beyond measure?
1. Laid down my expectations. I stopped claiming my entitlements. I asked for measures of blessings still, but I asked for the better virtue of God’s will. In doing so, I stopped limiting God’s power in my life and fully experienced His peace and His strength in spite of my pain.

2. I stayed connected through the body and through His Word – I couldn’t read a whole lot of new Scripture but I would let God give me a verse or two from my previous two years of study and I would focus on remembering those promises and those truths and examining how they were helping me through my loss. But most of all I had to cry out to and trust the Holy Spirit to bring me comfort and truth.

3. I had to let God show me how to fight His way because my way had never worked. By laying down my will and my way for what had happened God was released to work and act on my behalf – and His ways are not only higher – they are always better.

3For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ~ 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (NIV)

Our Bruises and Wounds

He is despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.
Isaiah 53:3-5 (NKJV)

We have bruises and wounds from the various experiences of our lives.

Many of us find ourselves asking “Why did God allow this to happen?”

We can become caught in a trap that will entangle us and drag us under the murky waters of grief if we do not address our why’s and our other questions to God for answers. At times, I believe this is the hardest part of grief.

The sudden death of our child leaves us knocked down, in a state of unimaginable shock, waiting for the smoke to clear so we can see what is left of our lives.

I have found that there is a certain element of mystery to the Bible as God gives revelation and also withholds it for our good. We can’t just claim any promise in the Bible and believe it by faith without applying the universal principal that is attached to it.

When we pray the end of Isaiah 53: 5 over ourselves or someone else believing God for the healing of injury, disability or illness – we must view it in context. Jesus’ sacrifice did three things:

1.) Paid the blood atonement for our sins – bringing us Spiritual healing and renewal

2.) His bruises paid the price for our inner – the emotional and mental wounds and ailments we suffer in our lives. The bruises may come through traumas we’ve experienced in relation to others or even traumas we inflict upon ourselves. Our iniquities are the natural bent toward sin that we all have – His bruises from the beating and the shoving He endured covered all of that. Does that mean we will never have hurts or traumas in our emotional and mental lives? Will our souls never be traumatized again? No. It means that this is one way redemption brings healing to us.

3.) He was wounded – physically pierced and his flesh was broken for our willful transgressions. He paid the price for our physical wounds and the physical consequences of the sins we commit in our lives. We don’t have to suffer condemnation because the debt is paid in full. This is how we are healed by His stripes. Yet it often leaves us begging the question “If your Word promises healing, then why didn’t You heal my child, God?”

My honest answer to this question: “I don’t know.”

As humans our limitations and finite thinking often keep us from big picture viewing. I’ve only been able to realize this since my son died: We must claim healing in the context of God’s will, His plan and His greater purpose. Just as He withheld nothing to deliver to us the power and purpose of His redemption – giving His only, precious Son to suffer in our place – we must willingly submit our prayers and our loved ones to His will accepting that His goal in healing is ultimately the revelation of His goodness toward us and His glory to all the earth.

In my own suffering, God’s choosing not to change the circumstance and allowing my son to die has left me with three primary revelations:

1.) Living for the will of God is the only thing worth doing well in this life

2.) His grace is truly is sufficient, and made perfect in my weakness

3.) His glory is worth the price we have to pay to know Him more.

If we ignore our wounds and bruises and refuse to submit them to the will of God His glory will not be revealed in our suffering. Please know that even if you are hurting in the most unimaginable way, our God knows of that which you suffer – He bore it on the cross for us. Cry out to Him, Submit to Him and Watch Him be glorious in your life in spite of all you have lost.

Our God is our refuge. When calamity comes into our lives running to God is the only safe place to turn. His word says that He will not break the bruised… He is all sufficient for our sufferings and bore them Himself that we might know His strength and power to overcome. Healing will come, He paid the price for all.

“When calamity comes, the wicked are brought down, but even in death the righteous have a refuge.” ~ Proverbs 14:32 (NIV)

The Joy of the Lord is My Strength

“…Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.” Habakkuk 3:19 (NIV)

Justin was known for laughter. He made us laugh. He had a great laugh… He enjoyed living.
His 18th birthday was the first occasion we had to “celebrate” without him here. I remember asking someone: “What do you think birthdays are like in heaven?”

My husband and children went with me to the cemetery that day where we sang happy birthday as we held hands and prayed around his grave. I presented one gift to each member of the family as the little happy face balloon bobbed up and down off the ground bouncing around much the way Justin did when he was alive. We laughed at the sight of it and prayed before going around and “meeting the neighbors.” (The way we describe reading the markers of those who are resting in Justin’s section of the cemetery.)

It is quite a morbid thought these days. The little ways we found comfort as we navigated those early days of grief as a family. His 19th birthday was spent going out to dinner with his grandparents and I gave them a gift to mark the occasion. This year, the day came and went with little fanfare. I was looking forward to facilitating at my support group and had requested a donation of books by Randy Alcorn for the members. The books arrived on Justin’s birthday. A gift from God for my grieving friends.

As I talked with my good friend on the phone the day before the occasion, I confessed that I was really having a difficult time being sad about the day. I was remembering how Justin came into the world and thanking God for the years we had together. I had little time for sorrow because I saw God doing so many wonderful things.

Joy swept back into my life again unexpectedly.

God restored my joy in a fashion that left me very nearly unaware. The confession did not hit me until long after the conversation ended. “This year, I really feel like I can say that the Joy is back in my life. The Joy of the Lord is my strength.”

The hope I leave you with as you walk out your healing in the days and months to come is this:
No matter where you find yourself in the grieving process, the Lord wants to restore your joy and grant you peace. Before the joy came on the wings of God’s Holy Spirit, I had to choose to find the joy in life. I had to choose it and reclaim its place in my life. To walk it out when the day didn’t necessarily beg for it. And, in cultivating an attitude of joy – God brought back the gift of joy and He kept His word in Isaiah 61:3. I did, indeed have an anointing of joy once again!

Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.
~ Nehemiah 8:10 (NIV) ~

Grieving From God’s Perspective

Natalie Grant sings a song written by Krista Wells called “Held.” The song is about a family who loses a child just a few months old. Toward the end of the song, the writer delivers this exhortation: “Can we not wait for one hour, watching for our Savior? This is what it means to be held…”

I don’t know what that means to you, but it has driven me again and again to place my loss against the backdrop of the cross only to find my suffering pales in comparison to that of my Lord in response to my sin.

Scripture and Christ, Himself, assures us that this life will be filled with sufferings, trouble and pain of many kinds (see Jn. 16:33). I beg to differ with anyone who says that strong Christians do not suffer loss the way others do. Scripture does more to confirm grief’s necessity in our lives and the fact that grief and loss will ultimately benefit us. (Jer. 29:11, Ro. 8:18, 28, 2 Co. 1:7, Php. 3:10, 1 Pet. 2:19)

Grief can strengthen, equip and more importantly give us a more intimate and more personal relationship with the heart of God.

Grief over sin and man’s spiritual death led God to send His Son, willingly, to the cross. For God grief began over the loss of relationship with His creation and ended in the death of His Son, Jesus Christ. (Gen. 6:6, Jn. 3:16) Through the cross, God delivered to mankind the overcoming power of resurrection. (Eph. 1:18-20).

If you have been asking yourself if you can still trust God, I live to tell you “YES! You can.” He has a plan and a purpose for your life and your pain. The question that now begs to be answered is will you allow God to redeem your Loss and Suffering as He redeemed His own – with the backdrop of the cross?

“18 the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, 19 and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power 20 which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places,” ~ Ephesians 1:18-20 (NKJV)

Prayer Requests

Please forgive my overlooking my post yesterday, I have been knee deep in writing the Bible study for my Bereaved Mother’s Group in the fall.

Please, be in prayer for this with me, and especially for the protection of my home, my family and this ministry as I proceed forward. Pray for God’s hedge of protection to be about me and to grant me wisdom for the use of equipping women in their grief.

Dear Lord,

I have no words. I am in awe of You. You part seas and mend fences, you lift the dead from the grave and cause the blind to see. You, Oh Lord, are gracious to Your servants and we honor You alone. Lord be with each woman who visits and reads the words you have given me to post. Help us to walk through this dark season on the arm of Christ and to find victory in the days ahead. You are God and we adore You. Bless us indeed.

In Jesus’ mighty name. Amen.

This week’s passage is from John 3:16 – I will post a pretty quote box by Thursday! “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever should believe in Him would not perish but have everlasting life.”